Summary And Review of Dale Carnegie?s Classic Book, How To Win Friends & Influence People

Executive Summary

In 1912, Dale Carnegie was conducting educational courses for business and professional people in New York.  At first, he conducted only public speaking courses.  These courses were designed to train adults, by actual experience, to think on their feet and express their ideas with more clarity, more effectiveness and more poise, both in business interviews and before groups.  After a few years, Dale realized that as solely as these adults needed training in effective speaking, they needed still more training in the fine art of getting along with people in everyday business and social contracts.  He also realized he was in need of such training.  Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business.  Research done by the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching uncovered that for your average Engineer fifteen percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about eighty five percent is due to skill in human engineering—to personality and the ability to lead people. 

For many years, Dale conducted courses at the Engineer’s Club of Philadelphia, and in New York for the American Institute of Electrical Engineers.  More than fifteen hundred engineers passed through his classes.  They came to his classes because they realized that the highest-paid personnel in engineering are frequently not those who know the most about engineering.  The person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people—that person is headed for higher earning power.  The University of Chicago and the United Y.N.C.A. Schools conducted a survey to determine what adults want to study.  The survey revealed that health is the prime interest of adults—and that their second interest is people; how to understand and get along with people; how to make people like you; and how to win others to your way of thinking.  The committee searched for a practical textbook on the subject and found—not one.  Since no book had ever been written to teach adults these few things, Dale took on the task of trying to put one together.  He read everything he could find on the subject.  He even hired a trained researcher to spend one and a half years in various libraries reading everything he had missed.  He personally interviewed successful people trying to discover the techniques they used in human relations. 

From all this material, he prepared a short talk.  He called it “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It was short in the beginning, but soon expanded to a lecture that consumed one hour and thirty minutes.  He would urge his listeners to go out and test it in their businesses and social contacts, and then come back to class and speak about their experiences and the results they had achieved.  This book wasn’t written in the usual sense of the word.  It grew as a child grows.  It grew and developed out of the laboratory, out of the experiences of thousands of adults.  Throughout the book, Dale gives you the keys of how to win friends and influence people.  Along with each topic throughout the book, he gives you several examples that allow you to relate to each topic and find a way for you to use the keys in your life. 

Full Summary of How to Win Friends & Influence People

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1) “If You Want to Gather Honey.  Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” 

Carnegie talks about when we are tempted to criticize someone tomorrow, lets realize that criticisms are like homing pigeons.  They always return home.  Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or correct and condemn us in return.  A good example he uses is George Johnston.  He is the safety coordinator for an engineering company.  His responsibility is to see that employees wear their hard hats whenever they are on the job in the field.  Whenever he came across workers not wearing hard hats, he would tell them with a lot of authority of the regulation and that they must comply.  As a result he would get sullen acceptance and often after he left, the workers would remove the hats.  This wasn’t working so he decided to take a different approach.  The next time he found workers not wearing their hard hats he asked if the hats were uncomfortable or did not fit properly.  Then he reminded the men in a pleasant tone of voice that the hat was designed to protect them on the job.  The result was increased compliance with the regulation with no resentment or emotional upset.  The principal here is don’t criticize, condemn or complain. 

2) The Big Secret of Dealing With People. 

Making someone want to do something is the only way to get them to do it.  Of course, you can make your employees give you cooperation—until you turn your back—by threatening to fire them.  Carnegie asks What do you want?  Sigmund Freud said, “Everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and desire to be great.”  John Dewey said, “the deepest urge in human nature the desire to be important.”  There aren’t many things you want but the few things you do wish, you crave with an insistence that will not be denied.  Most people want: Health and the preservation of life, food, sleep, money and the things money will buy, life in the hereafter, sexual gratification, the well-being of our children, a feeling of importance.  Almost all of these are usually gratified but one.  The desire of be important is left out.  Carnegie also talks about the difference between appreciation and flattery.  One is sincere and the other is insincere.  One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out.  One is unselfish; the other selfish.  One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.  The big secret of dealing with people is giving honest and sincere appreciation. 

3) “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him.  He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way”

You must be able to arouse in the other person a eager want.  There was a young boy who had trouble wetting the bed.  Each morning his grandmother would wake up and the sheets were wet.  She would scold, spank, and shame him.  The boy kept wetting the bed.  The dad came to the conclusion to try and get the boy a new bed and maybe he won’t wet it anymore.  The mom took the boy shopping for his new bed and when they got to furniture store the sales woman treated the little boy like he was very important to her and gave him great service.  The boy picked out the bed himself without any help from his mom and he even paid for the bed himself.  Since then he never wet the bed again.  The little boy needed a want to not wet the bed.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1) Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere. 

Everyone you meet you need to become genuinely interested in them.  People aren’t interested in what you think. They only care about what they think. People like to talk about themselves.  If you are talking about you all the time they are going to get bored and possibly won’t like you.  You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. 

2) A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression. 

Smiling is the key.  I am sure you have heard the saying actions speak louder than works.  You have to give a real smile though. A heartwarming smile, a smile that comes from within, the kind of smile that will bring a good price in the marketplace.  The effect of a smile is powerful—even if it is unseen.  Your “smile” comes through in your voice.  Next time you are calling a client trying smiling while you are talking on the phone. 

3) If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble.

 Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.   Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important.  Carnegie interview Jim Farley and asked him what his secret was to success.  Jim said “hard work.”  Carnegie was like don’t be funny.  Farley wanted to know what Carnegie thought was the reason for his success.  Carnegie replied, “I understand you can call ten thousand people by their first names.”  “No. You are wrong,” said Farley.  “I can call fifty thousand people by their first names.”

4) An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist

To be a good conversationalist you need to be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.  People love to talk about themselves but you have to be a good listener by asking questions and commenting when necessary.  To be interesting you have to be interested.  Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering.  Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

5)  How to Interest People

When you talk to people talk in terms of the other person’s interests.  Carnegie tells a story of Boy Scout leader who needed someone to fund a boy scout trip.  He wanted the president of one of the largest corporations in America to pay the expenses of one of the boys for the trip.  Just before he went to visit the man he heard that the man had drawn a check for a million dollars and that after had it canceled.  He had the check framed in his office.  When the boy scout leader went into the president’s office the first thing he asked about what the framed check.  Since he talked in terms of what interested the president he got what he wanted.  When the president asked what the leader had came for he not only granted him the money for one boy scout but for five boys and himself to go on the trip all expenses paid. 

6)How To Make People Like You Instantly

To make people like you instantly you need to make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.  Claude Marais was a restaurant owner and he received a resignation letter from his most prized employee.  He was surprised and, even more, disappointed, because he had been fair and receptive to her needs.  He told her, “ Paulette, you must understand that I cannot accept your resignation.  You mean a great deal to me and to this company, and you are as important to the success of this restaurant as I am.” Claude repeated this in front of the entire staff and invited her to his home and reiterated his confidence in front of his family.  She withdrew her resignation and today he can rely of her as never before.  He frequently reinforces this by expressing his appreciation for what she does and showing her how important she is to me and to the restaurant.

How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking

1)You Can’t Win An Argument

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.  As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”  Also, you may be right, as you speed along in your argument; but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong.

2) A Sure Way Of Making Enemies—And How To Avoid It

A sure way of making enemies is to tell someone they are wrong.  You have to show respect for the other person’s opinions and never say, “You’re wrong.” The secret to avoiding it is to use such a phrase as: “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.  Let’s examine the facts.”  If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong—isn’t it better to use this phrase in correcting the individual.

3) If You’re Wrong, Admit It

If you are wrong, admit is quickly and emphatically.  If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves?  Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?  Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say—and say them before the person has a chance to say them.  The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized. 

4) A Drop Of Honey

In everything you do, begin in a friendly way.  Lincoln said, “It is an old and true maxim that “a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.  Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart: which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.”

5) The Secret Of Socrates

Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.  When you start talking with people you need to begin by discussing the things you agree on not what you disagree on.  Keep emphasizing that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.  Keep your opponent from saying “No.”  A “No” response is the most difficult handicap to overcome.  Instead of giving a person an ultimatum and getting a “No” response, try asking a few questions and getting the person saying “Yes” and agreeing with you and you will see more success. 

6) The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints

Letting the other person do a great deal of the talking is the safety valve in handling complaints.  Most people that are trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves.  You have to let the other person talk themselves out.  They know more about their business and problems than you do.  So ask them questions.  Let them tell you a few things.  If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt.  You don’t want to interrupt them, it is dangerous.  They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas on their own crying for expression.  You have to listen patiently and with an open mind.  Be sincere about it too.  Also, encourage them to express their ideas fully. 

7) How To Get Cooperation

If you are having trouble with people cooperation then you need to let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.  Most people have more faith in their own ideas than in the ideas that are handed to them on a silver platter.  It is bad judgment for you to ram your opinions down the throats of other people.  It is wiser to make suggestions—and let the other person think out the conclusion.  No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing.  We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas.  We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, and our thoughts.

A Formula That Will Work Wonder For You

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.  If you say to yourself, “How would I feel, how would I react if I were in their shoes?” you will save yourself in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.”  In addition, you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships.  Dean Donham of the Harvard business school said, “I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person—from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives—was likely to answer. 

9)What Everybody Wants

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.  Carnegie ask would you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively?  Everyone’s answer of course is Yes.  The answer is “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do.  If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”  When you answer like that you will soften the most cantankerous old cuss alive. 

10) An Appeal That Everybody Likes

Appeal to the nobler motives.  The easiest way to explain this concept is to give an example.  Hamilton J. Farrell had a tenant who threatened to move.  The tenant’s lease wasn’t up yet; nevertheless, he told Mr. Farrell he was leaving regardless of the lease.  Mr. Farrell decide to write the tenant and said, “I have listened to your story, and I still don’t believe you intend to move.  Years in the renting business have taught me something about human nature, and I sized you up in the first place as being a man of your word.  In fact, I’m so sure of it that I’m willing to take a gamble. Now, here’s my proposition.  Lay your decision on the table for a few days and think it over.  If you come back to me between now and the first of the month, when your rent is due, and tell me you still intend to move, I give you my word I will accept your decision in final.  I will privilege you to move and admit to myself I’ve been wrong in my judgment.  But I still believe you’re a man of your word and will live up to your contract.  For after all, we are either man or monkeys—and the choice usually lies with ourselves!”  At the end of the month the gentlemen paid his rent in person.  He and his wife decided the only honorable thing was to live up to their lease. 

11) The Movies Do It, TV Does It.  Why Don’t You Do It?

You have to dramatize your ideas.  The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic.  You have to use showmanship.  To get attention you have to do these.  Jim Yeamans sells for the National Cash Register company.  He tells how he made a sale by dramatic demonstration. “Last week I called on a neighborhood Grocery and saw that the cash registers he was using at his checkout counters were very old-fashioned.  I approached the owner and told him: You are literally throwing away pennies every time a customer goes through your line.  With that I threw a handful of pennies on the floor.  He quickly became more attentive.  The mere words should have been interested to him, but the sound of pennies hitting the floor really stopped him.  I was able to get an order from him to replace all of his old machines.” 

12) When Nothing Else Works, Try This

When nothing else works try throwing down a challenge.  The way to get something done is to stimulate competition.  Not in a mean sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.  If you have two employees who are working together but aren’t reaching their work quota then try separating the two employees but allow them to do the same job and keep track of each ones quota and allow them to compete against each other.  People naturally have a competitive mindset built in them so of course the two employees are going to compete to produce the highest quota. 

Be A Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment

1) If You Must Find Fault, This is The Way To Begin

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.  It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.  A contractor was in charge of building a new business.  Some of the material for the building hadn’t been received and was going to put them behind schedule and cost the company lots of money.  Instead of the contractor getting mad and calling the company that was supplying him with the materials he decided to take a trip to the company and see how they ran their operation.  When he got there he talked with the President of the company which happened to be the person who created the plant where all the supplies was made.  The contractor asked the president all kinds of questions about his machines and products.  The contractor praised the president for his expertise and how big he had grown his business.  When the contractor presented his problem with getting his supplies on time from the company the president assured the contractor he would get the rest of his materials on time even if the rest of the orders had to be put on hold.  Since the contractor began with praise and honest appreciation he got what he wanted out of the trip. 

2) How To Criticize—And Not Be Hated For It

Calling attention to people’s mistakes indirectly is the best way to criticize and not be hated for it.  Charles Schwab was walking through one of his steel mills one day and came across a few guys smoking right under a “No Smoking” sign.  Instead of blowing up on the men he simply handed the men some cigars and said, “I’ll appreciate it if you will smoke these on the outside.”  They knew that he knew that they had broke a rule—and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important. 

3)Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.  Before you criticize a person on their mistakes take a step back and look at the situation from their perspective and see what is the best way to approach this.  If you can find one of your personal mistakes you can relate to in explaining what the other person has done wrong then it will be more accepting. 

4) No One Likes To Take Orders

Asking questions instead of giving direct orders will get you positive results.  A easy phrase to remember when you want someone to do something is “You might consider this,” or “Do you think that would work?”  A technique like this makes it easier for a person to correct errors.  A technique like this saves a person’s pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance.  It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion. 

5) Let The Other Person Save Face

Carnegie thinks allowing a person to save face is important.  “Letting one save face!  How important, how vitally important that is!  And how few of us ever stop to think of it!  We ride roughshod over the feelings of others criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride.  Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate work or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!”  This works well when you have an employee that needs discharging or reprimanding. 

6) How To Spur People On To Success

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.  Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in you praise.”  Most of the communication between parents and their children is yelling at them when they do something wrong.  Most of the time the children become a little worse rather than better after their parents yelled at them.  The parents started praising them on their good attributes instead of their faults.  Since the children were getting praise for the good things they did they started doing more things right.  Of course, they still did things that weren’t right but you will never be able to completely fix a child.  By praising the good that someone does will urge them to do more good things because they like the praise.

7) Give A Dog A Good Name

This means to give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.  Henry Henke is a service manager and had a mechanic whose work had become less than satisfactory.  He called him into his office and had a heart-to-heat talk with him. Henke said, “You are a fine mechanic. You have been in this line of work for a good number of years.  You have repaired many vehicles to the customers’ satisfaction.  In fact, we’ve had a number of compliments about the good work you have done.  Yet, of late, the time you take to complete each job has been increasing and your work has not been up to your own old standards.  Because you have been such an outstanding mechanic in the past.  I felt sure you would want to know that I am not happy with this situation, and perhaps jointly we could find some way to correct the problem.”  Bills response was he didn’t realize he had been falling off on his duties and assured his Henke that the work he was getting was not out of his range of experience and he would try and improve in the future.  Bill once again was fast and a thorough mechanic.  With that reputation Mr. Henke had given him to live up to he had to turn out work that compared to what he had done in the past. 

8)Make the Fault Seem Easy To Correct

By using encouragement you can make the fault seem easy to correct.  When people recognized that another person has a fault they usually use that to bring down a person instead of helping improve the fault.  People only need a little encouragement on fixing their fault and that makes it easy to correct.  If a child is having trouble learning to read you can sit down with them and walk them through the steps of reading.  You will have to go over the steps over and over again but you are giving that child the encouragement to correct their fault.  A little encouragement goes a long way. 

9) Making People Glad To Do What You Want

People are more likely to do what you would like them to do when you make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.  An effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behaviors:

1. Be sincere.  Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver.  Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.

2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.

3. Be empathetic.  Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants

4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.

5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants

6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the person the idea that he personally will benefit.  We could give a court order like this: “John, we have customers coming in tomorrow and I need the stockroom cleaned out.  So Sweep it out, put the stock in neat piles on the shelves and polish the counter.” Or we could express the same idea by showing John the benefits he will get from doing the task: “John, we have a job that should be completed right away. If it is done now, we won’t be faced with it later.  I am bringing some customers in tomorrow to show our facilities.  I would like to show them the stockroom, but stock it is in poor shape.  If you could sweep it out, put the counter, it would make us look efficient and you will have done your part to provide a good company image.”

Biography

David C. Wyld (dwyld.kwu@gmail.com) is the Robert Maurin Professor of Management at Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, Louisiana. He is a management consultant, researcher/writer, and executive educator. His blog, Wyld About Business, can be viewed at http://wyld-business.blogspot.com/. He also serves as the Director of the Reverse Auction Research Center (http://reverseauctionresearch.blogspot.com/), a hub of research and news in the expanding world of competitive bidding. Dr. Wyld also maintains compilations of works he has helped his students to turn into editorially-reviewed publications at the following sites:

Management Concepts (http://toptenmanagement.blogspot.com/)

Book Reviews (http://wyld-about-books.blogspot.com/) and

Travel and International Foods (http://wyld-about-food.blogspot.com/).